I’ve got a book deal with MWP. They’re the publishers of Save The Cat! and Hardware Wars.

So… what am I writing for them? An epic philosophical / business book on stay-at-home creativity. No title yet. My publishing deadline is approaching at the end of April. It’s inspired by a pile of 100 creative career mantras I put together over the past few years.

In 2005, I wrote and self-published a faux-motivational book called, “How To Sell The Whole F#@!ing Universe To Everybody, Once And And For All!” It detailed the process of creating a 4-hour, 3-CD album of the same name. It took me about 3 months of total schizophrenia. I haven’t read it in years, but it was one of those Philip K. Dick “Pink Beam” periods of my life. It felt like I was possessed. It was nuts. I think I really lost my mind, and I even went to therapy after all of that stuff.

It’s a little different this time around.

Over the past six months, I’ve spent the first hour or so of my day taking notes on what important lessons I am learning. A lot of concepts have popped into my head while working freelance AND doing my own thing. Big-picture stuff. Abstract ideas that you don’t get if you are 100% “practical” and follow the rules in life. That’s the kind of stuff I love. The counter-intuitive bits of wisdom you pick up while failing a Steve Vai audition. So I type them all into a text document on my desktop as they appear. Easy.

OK, THAT PHASE IS DONE.

The publisher has asked for approximately 50,000 words. As of today, my text document (which mostly consist of sloppy, incomplete one-sentence ideas and bullet points) adds up to 26,000 words. That’s good news!

Now I have to smash all of these ideas into a practical shape. A logical structure. That’s the analytical side. I’ll discover, once I put these all in order, where the gaps are. Then I’ll fill them in. At the same time, I have to do a lot of lateral thinking and embrace the chaos. I have to riff on the ideas, walk around and look at them from different sides (some of them ugly!), so they’re not flat and two-dimensional. I don’t want “A movie with only good guys in it.” (Thanks, Frank Zappa.)

This has to come from an authentic place. No one wants to read “A Boring Book About Creativity.” It has to represent what I truly believe. Where I have been, where I am going. All while sharing the mutual creative experience with “Constant Reader” as Stephen King says. (No, we’re not related, but I did serve him coffee and scones at a Barnes & Noble Cafe back in 1998. And I messed up his order… not just once.)

I’m going to write the book from this perspective: what do my own mutant friends need to hear (and apply!) in order to thrive?

I know a lot of creative people who are STUCK. They’re trapped in corporate day jobs that they hate. All of their time and energy gets sucked away by the mundane problems of life. They have talent but can’t seem to get it together and make anything happen. They don’t REALLY believe their lives can change.

I was the same way.

I was over thirty years old and living with my mom. I was overweight, depressed, and lonely. I was addicted to self-sabotage. Most of the time, I left the house after dark so I wouldn’t see anyone I knew. I was so embarrassed by who I was. I spent an entire DECADE in a small retirement town in Florida, hating myself for not living up to my potential. (I was furious when I saw American Movie, because I was convinced that someone had made a parody of my life.)

I never thought I’d “figure it out” or make anything that anyone in the world would understand. My music was strange. My writing was offensive. “Industrial Society And Its Future” made a lot of sense to me.

This book is about how I fixed that. How I turned my creativity into something that can exist and function in the real world. A creative career isn’t just a fantasy.

I’m no famous rock star or millionaire, but I do what I love every day. I run my own creative factory. The outcome of these ideas: I just spent the past year working from home and dedicating ALL of my free energy to writing an animated TV show. The Old Me would have never believed it was possible. How long will this last? I don’t know.

So I think I’ll get back to it, because there’s a weird book that needs to be brought into existence. We’ll see what happens.

Directed this video for the folks at GuitarTricks.com. Fender. Gibson. PRS. ESP. Suhr. Jackson. Charvel. Dan Electro. Gretsch. Schecter. 20th Anniversary Steve Vai Passion & Warfare Ibanez Universe. Orange Amps. Hiwatt. Laney. Peavey. Seymour Duncan. Daisy Rock. Soundtrack by MMO (Bryan Beller on Bass.) Directed by Carl King. Starring the feet of N-N-N-Neal Walter!

Earlier this week, I released a new record by Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk called, “Why I Am So Wise, Why I Am So Clever, And Why I Write Such Good Songs…” It contains a 5-minute drum battle against Marco Minnemann, over a bunch of tuplets. Half of the drums were played by Marco on his acoustic drumset in his studio. Half were programmed by me, using Cubase and Toontrack’s Drumkit From Hell. I sat there for hours, clicking with a mouse and setting all of the velocities for nuance. Hey, I’m an artist!

Take a listen and see if you can tell the difference between a robot and the best odd-rhythm drummer in the world.

You can download the entire album for free.

Let’s say there are 1,000,000,000 Musicians out there.

That’s a good number that we can all imagine, right? These days it doesn’t seem unlikely that it’s 1 out of 7 people. Maybe it’s even more than that.

For this example, a musician is a person who went through the trouble of acquiring an instrument and “wants to be a musician.”

• How many of those will take lessons?
• How many of those will practice every day?
• How many of those will develop the dexterity required to not give up in the first month?
• How many of those will study music theory?
• How many of those will learn how to write a song?
• How many of those will learn how to work with other people?
• How many of those will figure out to play for the arrangement / mix?
• How many of those will learn how to present themselves and entertain an audience?
• How many of those will learn how to tell a story / make an important statement with music, instead of just playing notes?
• How many of those will learn about the business end of things?
• How many of those will actively work to support themselves financially with music?
• How many of those will re-locate themselves to a strategic geographical area like New York, Los Angeles, or Nashville?
• How many of those will surround themselves with and learn from others who have succeeded, instead of spending all their time with people who haven’t?
• How many of those will avoid drugs, alcohol, and other health-destructive behavior?
• How many of those are willing to sacrifice everything else to be the best at what they do?
• How many of those will be able to handle 10-20 years of utter failure, financial hardship, and obscurity — even while doing everything listed above?
• How many of those will actually somehow succeed in the music business and still remember why they started?
• How many of those will even be able to stand listening to (much less creating) music after all that?

That doesn’t include anything that happens by chance, both good and bad.

See, that thins it out. You shouldn’t feel intimidated. As I said, there is no competition in the music business. Only two or three people have figured all of these things out, which are actually common knowledge combined with common sense. Plenty of room for you! It’s mostly a lot of wannabes.

But do you still “wannabe” a musician?

Some of you may have seen my recent attempt at coining a phrase called Honking.

A “Honker” is an unimaginative artist whose sole purpose for Social Networking is to promote his / her latest CD, Book, Movie, or Live Performance: “honking” obnoxiously like an ugly, fat goose rather than “tweeting” like a pretty little bird. These perpetrators are responded to by civilized users with a simple “Honk!”

What I see happening is the creator and his “existence space” as being outside of the creation itself. He goes “Meta.” He makes his “advertising” separate from the “work” itself. So we end up seeing a lot of the following:

“Hey everybody, check out my Myspace page. The first 20 people to download my new free commercial get a 13.5% discount on my latest flier.”

or…

“We have T-shirts and stickers, please vote for my new record, I will be playing live at 8pm, 2 for 1 drinks if you print this page, come and check us out!”

or…

“My new book, How To Sell Books On The Internet, is in the Top 20 on InternetMarketingBlogReaders.com. Order 3 copies and get a free 2-month subscription to my SellingStuffBigMoneyMarketing RSS Feed!”

Impersonal, generic messages full of data that don’t amount to much more than, “Click On My Link” and “Buy My Widget” don’t work. (Not if you’re trying to build an authentic career, anyway.)

Here is what Frank Zappa said about this:

“I make the act of doing business part of the creative act. I involve it in the overall concept of what I do. Which has led to some rather amusing album covers, I think, and some pretty bizarre advertising campaigns for the products. If you have to advertise, make it interesting. If you have to do an album cover, make it interesting. If you have to do an interview, make it interesting. You should always make it interesting.”

In other words, if you’re advertising something creative, why not advertise it creatively? Why does the creativity stop at some point?

I discovered a wonderful example of How It Should Be Done last night. Sony Pictures has started several “fake” websites for their new movie, 2012.

If you happen to watch TV (which I don’t… I heard about this from a brainwashed zombie), there are commercials for something called The Institute For Human Continuity, which appears to be an organization dedicated to “Preparing The World For 2012.” http://www.instituteforhumancontinuity.org

One of the offshoot sites is a blog called http://www.thisistheend.com. There, you’ll see Woody Harrelson dressed up as a wacky conspiracy theory freak, producing YouTube videos under the name Charlie Frost. They used a green screen to make it look like he’s in some underground bunker with old-fashioned radios. (I have no idea who this character is in the movie, and I don’t want to know, because it will ruin the surprise.)

This is usually referred to as Viral Marketing. However, I don’t see why we should call it that. There’s no “infectious or deceptive” element here, really. It’s just Creative Stuff. Why don’t more people do this? I was truly amused by the videos on the page. They had depth. As cliché as it is, I appreciated the reference to the 405 in the I Ching video. Pilates instructor? That’s hilarious to me. They did a good job communicating with someone in Los Angeles. Plenty of in-jokes.

Overall, what I like about this “campaign” is that it’s simply building a universe that is not just a 2D movie on a screen. It’s enriching the experience. Why not expand the work of art to not just be a “movie” but an immersive, interactive, multi-media experience? Why should a website serve a film? Why not treat them as equals?

Another brilliant thing Frank Zappa said is: “If you have a cool character, why should he only get to go to one party?” He was referring to his re-use of musical themes over his entire discography. It is as if everything he did (50+ albums) all fit together somehow.

Frank Zappa wasn’t just selling albums. He was sharing his imagination with the world. And he applied his imagination to everything he did. His interviews, which he did for free, are priceless. His “product” was not just his music. The guy was oozing with creativity, and nothing could be within 5 feet of him without getting sucked up into it. It just so happened that a portion of that ended up on records. How could it not?

So we have to evolve beyond “product-centric” thinking. In this new world of copy-everything-with-one-click, revenue has to come from:

1.) Live, Personal Interaction. You can’t copy this. Musicians, think Live Shows. Authors, think Workshops. Philosophers, think Retreats. It’s life-changing to be there in a room with a real human being who isn’t scripted and edited. Ask any question you want! Rock Guitarist Steve Vai recently put on a Masterclass. He charged $325 per student, limited to 70 spots. Can you say, “$22,750 in 3 hours?” Show up with your guitar and amp, talk for a few hours. No band. No bullshit. Incredible! Why aren’t more semi-famous musicians doing this? http://www.vai.com/News/ags/index.html

2.) Limited Edition, One-of-a-Kind Collectibles. Forget trying to sell things that people can download. Take a cue from the Comic Book / Sci-Fi audience (which is becoming monstrous, if you haven’t noticed) and sell statues, mugs, anything that someone can put on their desk, hold in their hand, touch. Nothing that is mass-produced. Make it special, make it rare. Make it cool. I know a guy who collects original pencil & ink drawings from comic books. What does he fantasize about if he had millions of dollars? “Dude, I would buy so many Conan Pages.” These things sell for up to thousands of dollars. If you’re an artist, why aren’t you doing this? http://tiny.cc/hRde5

Everything else that can be downloaded is Free. Music, PDFs, Blogs, Images. Give it away. This is a new world and that’s the way it works. Don’t try to go into business selling something that everyone already gets for free. That’s called a Bad Business Idea. Selling snow to Eskimos. It might last a little while (some people are still buying CDs for some reason), but you’re doomed if you don’t figure this one out. Supply & Demand, remember?

More examples of products that can’t be copied on the internet? Here are some examples from my own everyday life:

I still like to go and see a movie in the theater. I love the experience. The ritual. That’s just me. I especially like going alone. It’s a sort of meditation. I forget everything else and sit in that dark room and escape the world. It’s not the “data” on the DVD I am buying. I could sit home and watch the movie on my computer. It’s the comfortable chair, the energy, the excitement that happens when the previews come on.

Same with restaurants. I’m not just buying the food. If I make it all about the food, I’m missing the point and wondering why I am spending $20 on a burrito. I’m buying the waitress, the lighting, the background music, the atmosphere. All important stuff! It doesn’t just serve the product… it IS the product.

So let’s apply this same principle to entertainment.

If you’re going to sell a musical album, make it part of a classy box set. Something that someone feels proud to have on the shelf. Include a comic book, a “behind-the-scenes” DVD, a book full of pictures, a poster, some buttons, some stickers, anything you can think of that can be part of the “world” that you are creating. Don’t just record 10 songs and slap them on a CD. That’s so boring. Any kid can do that now. Put some effort into this. Show us that you what you do is really special and unique. That you can invest some real time and energy and thought. People appreciate that sort of thing these days. It’s why vinyl is making a comeback. It’s novel.

If you’re as old as me, think back to Star Wars… remember all of those action figures? They weren’t toys. They helped us imagine we were in that world. The movies were 2 hours long, but the action figures could be collected for years! Which one is more important, really?

(The above photo is taken from The Action Figure Museum.)

The Star Wars Universe is just that. It’s not a movie. Or a comic book. Or a toy. Or a T-shirt. It’s a Universe you step into.

Next time you Tweet about your latest “product,” do it from inside Your Creative Universe. Don’t be a Honker.

-Carl.

It’s Official!

Honker: an unimaginative artist whose sole purpose for Social Networking is to promote his / her latest CD, Book, Movie, or Live Performance: “honking” obnoxiously like an ugly, fat goose rather than “tweeting” like a pretty little bird. These perpetrators are responded to by civilized users with a simple “Honk!”

If anyone asks, tell them I made this up. Because I did. And no, that’s not a Honk!

Dr. Lacking sent me a link to Where I Write today. I have to say, the above photo looks quite similar to the cramped nest I had constructed in Florida, in which I wrote my famous Fictional Philosophy book, “How To Sell The Whole F#@!ing Universe To Everybody… Once And For All!”

It took me about 5 minutes to realize this photo was taken from above the subject. I just naturally assumed that he was holding some sort of ray gun in his hand. But no, it’s just a lamp. Sorry to ruin it for you, too.

This band consists of two brothers, from what I understand. Precursors to They Might Be Giants and Ween. I have no idea when this video was shot, but it seems to be from the ’70s. Notice the contrast between the stage performance of the vocalist and the keyboardist. One is extremely into the music, dancing around. The other is just absurdly awkward, tensely sitting upright. This is hilarious to me. And I really like the composition. You can read more about them on the Sparks Wikipedia Page.