When I was asked to stand in front of the class in 4th grade and introduce myself, that’s what I blurted out. I was just being honest. The kids all laughed at me. I must have liked the attention, because I’ve made a career out of helping people laugh at The Truth.

After failing at a lot of things for 30 years, I moved to Los Angeles — an Imaginary City full of delusional and happy people. A place where I can get paid for being impatient and paranoid.

As Ayn Rand would say, I am a person “who takes ideas seriously.” Just not all of hers. But I am an individualist, a lemonade-stand capitalist, and I believe in things being done right. That doesn’t stop me from being fascinated by aliens, psionics, and an eternal soul — life would be boring without sci-fi.

While I’m stuck on this planet, I live as a workaholic introvert. I’ve made albums with famous drummers. Decibel Magazine called me an Auteur. I wear flip-flops, like my father before me. I work from home. I produce instructional videos. I write books. I have never owned a car. I write a Creativity Philosophy Blog. So far, nothing can stop me.

If you really wanna know, my greatest artistic passion is Animation Screenwriting. Cartoons just seem like the ideal place for limitless, subversive revenge on The Normals. Either that, or it’s an opportunity for me to combine every single talent and skill I have to tell a great story. Depends on if I’ve taken my vitamins, I suppose.

If you’re a creative genius, and I’m not too busy, I’m your Swiss Army Knife. I have prolifically (and often obsessively) worked in creative design & multimedia for 20 years; integrating print, web, video, audio, and writing. So when I’m not working on my own creative projects, I am here to offer my talents and skills to other independent artists, musicians, filmmakers, actors, directors, and the occasional malfunctioning android.

My aim is to help creators in any way that I can, and on any random day that might include:

• Websites (XHTML, PHP, CSS, Flash, and Custom WordPress-Powered Sites, like this one!)
• Shooting & Editing HD Video w/ Chroma Key (Commercials, Virals, Music Videos)
• Recording & Editing Audio (Looping, Voiceovers, Sound Effects, and Scoring)
• Design (Business Cards / Flyers / Posters / T-Shirts)
• Digital Photography (Headshots, Et Cetera)
• Illustration (Logos, Cartoon Strips)
• Copywriting (Bios, Scripts)

I’m a one-man operation and I create full-time, so you won’t get a lot of inane administrative buzzwords and phrases when working with me. I’m down-to-earth and enjoy what I do without pretense.

My software arsenal: Adobe Creative Suite (Indesign, Photoshop, Illustrator, Flash, Dreamweaver, and After Effects), Final Cut, Cubase, and Drumkit From Hell.

I have worked exclusively on Apple Computers since my Atari 1040STe was retired in 1998.

Some of you may already know I am occasionally a mighty performance artist and musician under the pseudonyms: Sir Millard Mulch & Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk. Through that medium, I have performed, collaborated, stood around in a room, or engaged in creative business ventures of questionable importance with Marco Minnemann, Virgil Donati, Nick D’Virgilio, Morgan Agren, Paul Mazurkiewics, Trey Spruance, Steve Vai, Eman Laerton, Dave Meros, Nils Frykdahl, Lale Larson, Larry Boothroyd, Will Maier, and Devin Townsend. I’ve occasionally shown up in Modern Drummer, DRUM!, Kerrang, and Decibel Magazine.

I recently signed a book deal with MWP, publishers of Save The Cat! and Hardware Wars. My book should be available everywhere in 2011.

You can read my animation screenwriting projects at Bend Bars / Lift Gates.

My articles / essays have been published in 2600 (The Hacker Quarterly), mental_floss, and INK19. As an offbeat journalist I have interviewed Katy Perry & The Matrix Production Team, 1999 Playboy Playmate of the Year Heather Kozar, Nina Gordon of Veruca Salt, Trey Spruance of Mr. Bungle & Faith No More, Billy Sheehan, Devin Townsend of Strapping Young Lad, Nils Frykdahl of Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Negativland, Brooks Wackerman of Bad Religion, Rock Guitarist Steve Vai, Tim Soya, Craig Anton, Ani DiFranco’s Merch Girl, and Ween.

I am a Vegan, an advocate of Mass Transit & Bicycling, and a supporter of the Electronic Frontier Foundation and KUSC.